All In My Head

Preface: This post is a little weird because it’s literally all in my head (or exactly what I was thinking/ feeling that day).

This is such a struggle. I walk up the marble steps and in through gold trimmed doors. Wait. First, the metal detectors. First time? Shoes off. Jewelry off. Coat off. Sweater off. Underwear off—at least that’s where I felt the final destination might be. Step to the lady security guard. She gets to feel me up for a mini bomb or gun that I don’t have. I mean, I guess they always have to check.; It is the Rayburn Congressional office building.

Down the tomb-like hall—which literally looks like every other hallway. Take the elevator to 4th floor. Palms sweaty. Check my phone three times to find the time hasn’t changed. Look at the man in his nice suit as he presses the 2nd floor button. I wonder if he’s a Congressman? Oh god. I really have to pee. Walk down another tomb-like hallway. I wonder if I look like I’m in high school. I think I look old for my age, but I feel as if I have a stamp marked on my forehead that screams: “this one is new.”

Walk through the massive office doors as tall as the ceiling. The blue carpet is nice; almost makes the office feel warm (instead of an arctic tundra like the hall). A nice young lady asks me if I’m the new intern. I smile and pray three times that my voice doesn’t shake or crack when I speak. Lost cause. My vocal cords are all over the place. She leads me to a desk. Phone. Computer. Copy of the New York Times.

I’m asked to go over new bills and legislation for inconsistencies—after I finish sorting the mail. (Sorry constituents; your letters may have went in the trash.) Nothing makes sense. It’s all an inconsistency. The words are too big and the sentences a little too complex. I avoid the legal section like the plague. After seeing the first page, I save it for last. My brain hurts. After stalling in the photo section of the NYT, viewing every slide show from fashion to exotic homes, I go back to the legal section. I only make it four lines before giving up again. I instead start a list of all the other places I’d like to be—like on vacation, my bed, the coffee shop down the street. Maybe even the bathroom.

I never finish the legal sections of the legislation. I slip it back on my supervisor’s desk with random scribbles and question marks. I just can’t finish it. I even manage to take a 20 minute nap after completing my list. I feel like the laziest person ever, but honestly, I am never going to make it through that thing without a greater sense of willpower, caffeine (or interest in the material) than I currently possess. Again, lost cause. Back to the Times. Maybe I’ll just take a long lunch. They won’t miss me. Wait. I’m a horrible intern. Maybe I’ll ask to pre-read more of the Congressman’s mail. Yeah, I’ll do that; some constituent author just sent an advanced copy of his book. It looks terrible.

I still didn’t see the evidence.

6 thoughts on “All In My Head

  1. I love that this post was structured so much like a narrative! I literally walked through this entire experience with you, in my own head haha. I have definitely experienced some of the similar feelings you were having! Anytime I walk into a state building I am always so nervous or any space that involves metal detectors haha. Your writing is really rich and the imagery is spot on! Don’t stop!

  2. Having wandered through government buildings like the Rayburn complex, I could totally imagine your journey, both physically and mentally, through the space. Your language is quite compelling, and you describe your feelings and emotions in a wonderfully relate-able way. Great post!

  3. I love your writing style in this post. It is descriptive and personal, which makes me feel like I am right there with you as you journey through your fist day as an intern. I think this experience was a great one to share because it shows how you feel and why you made the decision to switch career goals. Good work!

  4. geez ash, popular with the comments! ^ Just kidding. I really enjoyed this post too, I’ve always been a big fan of stream of consciousness kind of writing style. I also like the staccato quality to this post as well. The writing is very sharp and immediate. It has a quick pace that worked really well. I would be curious to know what the “prompt” was or what inspired you to write this.

  5. I just realized that a lot of people have already commented on this, but I really liked it so I’m going to comment anyways. I really liked this post because your thoughts were so relatable. I also thought it was great the way you walked us through your whole experience and included images, I could really imagine what it was like to be there! I feel like whenever I write in this style my thoughts feel very disjointed and my writing can be hard for another person to follow, but yours flowed very logically while still allowing us to feel like we were inside your head. Keep up the great posts!

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